Cycle

I was lost,

Hungry for something I once tasted but couldn’t recognise,

I was a home, less than a mile from what I thought was recovery,

Boarding ships on a sea of the lives of lost souls,

I was wronged, I was the wrong

Trying to solve equations of people that have no valuable answers,

And I am back here,

Confused in the magnitude of translation of what has become time,

The passing of what had happened, what’s happening and what will happen,

As though to say the answers are out there,

To these problems where the numbers are written in reflection font and letters too large to make out the figures in the sun

So I wonder,

Seeking to resolve what has occurred in the moments that builds the castle of my current nightmare,

I was in love, dying to love him and embrace him within my tough tender palms,

I was in awe, in amazement of how such could come in a human entity,

Yet I feel different,

Foreign to those feelings that warms the chill in me, the sunset of my midnight lingering,

I am consumed, struggling to breath beneath the depths of his admirations for me,

Because I fear,

That hell has the face of the man I once knew, 

words I bathed in like a baby’s mouth pressed longingly against its mother’s breasts, 

hands I refused to uncoil from for the strangers of this world may get me, rape me like they once did,

Yet as the world belittles my body to its nudity amongst humans that mock my attire, I am left alone to defend myself,

As the arms I once thought embraced me to protect me from these monsters, has now become their leader, he traps me within his scope,

Eyeing my thoughts, controlling my emotions,

I am slave, I am tamed, 

I am caged in an open box of his guarding words,

The words he uses to draw me, 

to call me out when I get lost, 

 when I run for yards away from his house to seek a me I hope to recognise in this burning forest of despair,

I come to discover that I was never running, for the illusion of escaping is what he uses to trick my mind,

I am enclosed and endangered

I am victim and blamed

I am his, everything he could dream of

And these daddy issues that hang onto me like bone and muscles ambush me, over and over,

For as I desperately cling onto the freedom I desire so much,

It is he who I run towards, the man I run from, the man I run to.

 

One Comment Add yours

  1. Angel says:

    Wounderful

    🚶‍♀️

    Like

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